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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Nonprofit organization specializing in low price, high quality treatment of eating disorders, including outpatient and inpatient as well as residential treatment.
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| I am going to change things around here (this world. specifically: insurance companies). I am not okay with this.
Love,
Eileen
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| "Leave a nice long blog entry for me, okay?"
Dear Justin,
When my throat closed up and chills washed over my body, you were. My first real panic attack was not one for the scrapbook. It was so scary. Thank you for being there. As I sit here, I wonder if I'll ever be good for you. I am crazy. I think things I shouldn't and I see myself as alternately horrible and perfect. I know I'm a pretty cool person, but I'm begging you to turn around at the first sign that I'm not marriage material. I want to be good for you. I want to be good to you. I want you to be happy I exist because I make you feel good. I'm not sure how to get from wanting this to actually making it happen, but I know I can try. Please keep talking to me. I want you around. I want you to want to be around. Guess I'm not doing a very good job of that though, what with my whorish-ness and my coldness and my panic attacks and moaning about how fat I am. I need to change but I don't know how and I wish I did. I have all this misplaced initiative. How long have I been asking you to be patient? How long have I asked you to just stay with me? Am I truly worth it underneath all this? I hope I am. I want you to be right about me. You are the light in my life, my steady rock and my loyal lover. You make me happy to be alive and somewhere along the line I stopped being a truly caring friend and love towards you. I stopped asking you about your day the minute you said hello and I stopped being patient with your problems. Why? I'm not sure. But it's not okay. And I'm sorry I hurt you. I know you deserve so much better than what I've been giving you lately. Please keep pushing me to be what you deserve-- I want that. I want to be your wife, your friend, your companion. I don't want you to regret our relationship for an instant. Please understand that I don't get me, either. I will always need you to be there for me. keep reminding me that you need that from me, too. I love you with all of my faulty heart, with all that I am. I love you in the depths of my soul. You are my joy. I am so lucky to have you. Keep reminding me to be grateful, okay? You're worth it to me. You're worth every pain, every change, every tear, every hour on the phone. I love you and all that you are and will be and have been. You are my boy, my man, my future husband.
Love,
Leenymowse
I wish I had never faltered
How do I change this back?
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| I'm not sure what to write on here anymore.
I love xanga, I love the community and I love the creativity I see.
That said, I've turned more into a creeper just reading my subscriptions than actual blogging or commenting.
Anyhow, I love you guys.
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| I'm in love with this world, as of now, and thinking about my smaller frame.
I don't know what to do as far as officially moving on form the past, but I'm trying to be loving, caring, hopeful and open. I talk too much to make sure he knows I'll listen.
I'm backwards, of course, but I'm living.
Corey asks me what I'm doing today. "Working my schools open house." "Oh," he says, "that doesn't sound so bad. I'm working on linear algebra." "Yeah, it'll be somewhat fun. Or rather, it could be worse. At least I'm not working on linear algebra."
I wonder if I'll meet a really attractive and talented guy with a sense of humor and a huge crush on me. I wonder if it will even register in my mind with all this JUSTINJUSTINJUSTIN going through it. I mean, I can't be in a relationship that is "I love you (until I find something better)." It doesn't work like that. But I am scared that I will hurt you again. That I will be not be the woman you deserve.
And I can settle for that fear or I can do my best to overcome it.
I LOVE YOU, and I'm not leaving.
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True
